REALLY BIG ONES.

ONES ABOUT JON SNOW.

They were all lying. We kept asking them, Is Jon Snow dead? Is he really still dead? Jon Snow is dead, they said. And staying dead. Dead, dead, dead.

And then, episode two, in its final moment, revealed what we had all been waiting for. After a bit of magic, and a dire wolf waking up, Jon Snow came back. Gasping for air on a wooden table, a loin cloth draped over his privates, his eyes opened, looking straight into ours.

Melisandre, giving it her all despite a leaden belief she lacked the magical powers to resurrect the Lord Commander, gave him a sponge bath and a haircut. And lo, after burning the follicles in a fire, rubbing his chest wounds and speaking mysterious words, she slumped her shoulders and left the room.

Everyone left the room. It was just us, Jon Snow and Ghost. Jon Snow was dead. But then Ghost woke.

And Jon Snow woke and rose up like, well, like a certain religious figure being revived at Bondi Beach after conking out in a rip.

And all it took was a pair of hundreds-of-years-old-hands being rubbed over his dead spunky-man chest beside a crackling fire. Might try it on the cat.

Here's hoping Snow's reappearance blossoms into a plotline of depth.

May it not just be that he becomes a strange, brainless reanimated corpse walking about with no clothes on in the snow, symbolising the strength of the Night's Watch but essentially staying a zombie searching for something to suck on.

Melisandre, aka the Red Woman, has a red hot go at bringing Jon Snow back to life. Photo: Foxtel

For the rest of episode two, the action warmed up – although the constant snow in Game of Thrones makes the living room cold.

First off, Bran Stark, grown-up, deeper-voiced and rather dishy, was having a vision. Chaperoned by the Three-Eyed Raven, played by Max von Sydow (not dressed in a bird costume, importantly), he travelled back in time to stroll about Winterfell in cheerier times.

"They were all so happy," he says, watching his father, Ned Stark and Uncle Benjen as young boys learning to fight. Also present, and alluded to with much meaning, was Lyanna Stark, younger sister of Ned , amid all the cherubic faces bobbing for apples and playing with pigs.

"My father never talked about her," Bran says, reinforcing fans' thoughts she is possibly Jon Snow's mother. Bran also saw that Hodor, known then as Wyllis, could speak in sentences.

I live in hope Bran waits a beat before saying, "What'chu talkin' 'bout, Wyllis?" should Hodor ever speak words in future episodes.

Bran wants to stay at lovely Winterfell but the Three-Eyed Raven wakens him from their time travels.

"It is beautiful beneath the sea, but if you stay too long, you'll drown," he says.

"I wasn't drowning," Bran says. "I was home."

On returning, Bran is taken outside to visit Meera who, staring glumly at the frozen landscape is uninterested in his visions.

Bran gives up, goes back inside the Three-Eyed Raven's lair, and, in an instant, one of the Children of the Forest tells her to buck up because she has to help Bran "out there". Meera goes back to gazing. Something better happen with these people soon or they'll turn into isolated nutters living on stick tea and making socks out of hair.

Before Snow's climactic rise, we see brave Ser Davos trying to see off the traitors at Castle Black only to have the battle cancelled at the last minute as the wildlings break in and scare the pants off the black brothers.

Mainly because one of their numbers, Wun Wun the giant, picks up a traitor and throws him like a sodden hanky across the icy forecourt. Hostilities cease immediately.

"You f-----' traitor," Dolorous Edd cries at nasty Ser Alliser. He and his friends are thrown into the cells.

Ser Alliser gets his comeuppance. Photo: Foxtel

Next it's off to Fleabottom where a stand-up comedian is entertaining patrons of a very paleo diet open-air cafe about his winning ploy of whipping out his impressive penis upon meeting Cersei recently.

He pauses only to note it is bigger than the appendage of her lover Jaime.

Minutes later, as the GoT version of a drunken uncle at a Hooters banquet has a slash against a medieval wall, the Frankenstein Ser Robert Strong squashes said comic's head like an egg.

Ser Robert Strong crushes the Fleabottom comic's head like an egg. Photo: Foxtel

Despite this sign of power, we see Cersei prevented from attending her daughter's funeral by the king's soldiers (the main one looking very much like Simon Pegg in an iron mask).

Lily-livered King Tommen makes an appearance with Jaime looking over Myrcella's body.

Jaime wants to know why he hasn't gone to see his mother and Tommen reveals he feels he has failed her, and everyone.

High Sparrow appears in his sacking and sandals Tommen slinks off and Jaime taunts the High Septon of the Faith of the Seven.

"What about my sins?" Jaime asks, gripping his dagger."What atonement do I deserve?"

A whole circle of similarly sack-wearing Faith Militant arrive, consolidating the High Sparrow's power.

"Every one of us is poor and powerless, but together, we can overthrow an empire," High Sparrow says.

For someone in the business of reconciling God and humankind his catty manner is worthy of Dynasty.

In good news though, Jaime is still hot.

Jaime faces the High Sparrow across his daughter's Myrcella's body. Photo: Foxtel 

Tommen goes to see his mother, confesses he has been a crap king and could she help him be strong? Yes, of course she can. Big hug. Don't look at my terrible wig.

Some comic relief arrives with Tyrion, pouring himself a glass of wine to the tsk, tsk, tsk of Lord Varys.

"If I lost my cock, I would drink all the time," Tyrion says, which does not impress Greyworm.

Slaver's Bay is looking bad so Tyrion hatches a plan to unchain the dragons – who are not eating in their lightless, underground dungeon – to give them strength.

He does so, with Varys watching gingerly from the dungeon stairs.

Tyrion finds an affiliation with the dragons Photo: HBO/Foxtel

"I'm friends with your mother," Tyrion says to Viserion and Rhaegal. "I'm here to help. Don't eat the help." He says, soothingly, he wanted a dragon when he was very small but everyone laughed at him. Then they told him all dragons were extinct.

"But here you are." Having removed their chains, Tyrion walks slowly away, without their wrath and the dragons hobble off into the darkness.

"Next time I have an idea like that," he tells Varys, "punch me in the face."

Things might be looking up for Arya who, blind and beaten, gets hit again with a big stick. But – hoorah! –​ she is finally led away from her begging/beating/boring spot by the Faceless Man Jaqen H'ghar.

"A girl is not a beggar anymore," he says. No, but she's looking fairly browbeaten.

Arya is a beggar no more. Photo: Foxtel

We knew Ramsay Bolton was seeking revenge for the death of his love, Myranda. But how?

How low would he stoop? Very low it turned out. His father, Roose Bolton, ponders what is to be done after Sansa escaped Ramsay's band of men?

Go to Castle Black and kill Jon Snow says Ramsay, who really has missed out what's been going on over there.

News comes that Roose has become a father by Lady Walda, with a son just born.

A tense hug ensues before Ramsay stabs dad (a man so calm, so James Bond-like) in the stomach and forces the maester to send word he was poisoned by his enemies.

And then, in words so chilling it makes the stomach churn, he commands Lady Walda and his new brother be brought to him.

Evil, evil, evil. Ramsay is almost beyond evil.

Rosy-cheeked and proud, Lady Walda appeared, showed her baby boy and asked where Lord Bolton was.

Ramsay led her into the dog kennels, canines salivating at the bars, and slowly she realised as he opened each cage.

"I preferred being an only child," Ramsay says before whistling and setting off a sickening, though unseen, feast by the ravenous hounds. Whoever seeks revenge on Ramsay, may they have a whole episode to do it.

In other news, Brienne and Sansa discuss the state of things.

"What happened at Winterfell?" Brienne asks. Sansa stays quiet and Brienne comprehends the hideousness that ensued. Brienne says she met up with Arya but her help was rejected. Sansa regrets not accepting the best, tallest, most amazing lady knight's help.

Theon Greyjoy tearfully says he's off home to the Iron Islands where we journey to witness the death of Balon Greyjoy, tossed off a rickety rain-swept bridge by Euron, Balon's brother.

Yara sees off his body in the morning, vowing she will avenge her father's death. But much like Hillary Clinton and her quest to be US president, Yara's lady in power quest faces some iffy, outdated opposition.

"Perhaps you'll be the first woman to rule the Ironborn," Aeron Damphair, her very hairy and wet uncle, says, "and perhaps not."

And then, back at the Wall, Ser Davos speaks for every single person watching this blessed show when, upon entering Melisandre's chamber – not a euphemism – asks if it is at all possible, if she could find a moment, to do a bit of her magic and bring him back life. Go on. Please.

She says she knows of some with that power but it is not possible for her. Melisandre is still downcast about everything she saw, the great victory, not happening.

"You were right all along. The Lord never spoke to me," she says.

"F--- him then," says Davos, not unlike Jaime talking to Cersei last week. "F--- all of them. I'm not a devout man, obviously. Seven Gods, Drowned Gods, tree gods – it's all the same. I'm not asking the Lord of Light for help. I'm asking you to show me that miracles exist."

So she gives it a go.

Rub, rub, rub. Snip, snip, snip. Magical words, magical words, magical words.

And, as seconds ticked by, the tension was thick until, quite possibly with the help of Ghost carrying his spirit, Jon Snow returned.

To be clasped happily, joyously to our bosoms once more.

Game of Thrones season 6 screens Mondays at 11am AEST (same time as the US) with a primetime encore at 7.30pm AEST on Foxtel's Showcase.